I struggle with thinking this way about race...

Particularly, MY race.
Being black (or my bad, African American... that's an ENTIRELY different post) I find myself thinking sometimes that *my* actions dictate how others see other black people.
For instance, I know there are very few black accountants in the corporation I work for.... so I think, well, I *have* to prove myself, on behalf of my race. After all, I represent my race, right?
I kick ass at what I do and I'm proud of that. I put in that extra mile to prove myself, but really, am I doing myself justice? My name justice? My RACE justice?
I find myself holding my breath sometimes watching the news thinking 'whoever did what violent/bad/horrific crime, Lord PLEASE don't let them be black'.... they are? DAMN.
Yes, I know, its a bad thing to think Its a bad thing to catch yourself thinking it.

*pause*

I like the fact I'm pretty well known at work. As the only Cost Accountant for a huge location, I go between being a corporate bean counter, to a homie with the guys that work production. I'm cool with the guy who sweeps the floors, all the way up to the President. I'm also in good with the receptionist (which most folks can tell you is GREAT, because the receptionist damn near knows it all!)....
About a week ago, the receptionist invites a handful of folks to preview the new office products for 2010. Aw shoot! I love me some office products! I notice there are 2 other black people on the list, one administrative assistant and one mailroom clerk. I know them both well, helped them both with their Accounting homework and statistics (both are in school) and well over 4o....
So lunchtime rolls around, we all go into the conference room where the office supply reps have provided lunch.... here we go...
1) I consider FREE lunch something that is a luxury. If you aren't paying, then most of the time, you have NO SAY as to what will be provided, no say if you get extra cheese, extra bacon, your fajitas WELL DONE instead of medium,... etc..... so when the rest of the folks invited to the presentation help themselves and rejoice in the free lunch, the 2 black women get to smacking their lips and complaining. The food doesn't have enough seasoning, the meat is not well done, the plates aren't big enough.

*pause*
How about you take some FREE lunch and shut your damn mouth? How about you DON'T act like you have NEVER eaten before and PILE your plate with so much food it SPILLS off?

2) When people are giving presentations, they typically ask questions that rhetorical. 'Do you have problems printing labels straight?' 'Do you put something aside to file and have problems finding it later?' 'Have you ever thought about color coding your files?'.... most folks nod or shake their head, as these questions are posed to the group, not to YOU individually. So no, you REALLY don't have to UH HUH and YES to the person giving the presentation DIRECTLY. I heard yes, UH HUH, OH YES with a MOUTHFUL of food the ENTIRE hour we were in the presentation. Guess who was doing it? Yes, those 2 black women.

3) Door prizes. Each person got a ticket and like most raffles, one end is yours, the other goes into the hat. At the end of the hour, numbers are drawn for 'prizes'. Oh okay, great. So everyone starts winning the pens, pencils, folders and labels. At the end of it, 3 people didn't have prices... so they gather those tickets and just say 'here, xxx, take this prize if your number was 33'... it was a PEN. Black woman #2 has her face all twisted up and gets LOUD talking about how 33 was HER number and thats HER pen! Excuse me, its a damn PEN... not insulin... not a new car... not a 3 week vacation to Cabo. A PEN. Not a mont.blanc. pen. A office supply ballpoint pen.
What the hell? Shut the HELL up and take your ghetto ass back over to the next building.


When the presentation and lunch and door prize fun was finally over, who do you think STILL wanted more freebies? Yes, those 2. One of them even had the nerve to say outloud they were going to take the sticky notes HOME with them because they didn't wanna buy some.

*pause*

I realize some folks just don't know better. They don't care what others think or how they represent themselves. But I also know that in a Corporate environment you are judged by how you act, how you interact with others, how others see you. It's the way its always been, it will always be this way as long as appearances matter.
When it was all said and done, I was embarrassed for them and for us. I was embarrassed that people were staring, embarrassed that they were loud and impolite and had no table manners. I found myself thinking, damn, I bet those 2 set the tone for the entire presentation. Not those of us that carried our professionalism into lunch and beyond. Not those of us who really were there to check out the products as an FYI, not as our home office supply hookup.

Yes, I believe that one bad apple ruins the entire bunch. I try not to think about that being literal but honestly, think about what you remember the most... the BAD act, the person who engraves themselves on your brain is the one who shows their ass, not the one who is well behaved.

It's just something thats been on my mind.

I got 9 good toes and I wanna keep em....

Dear left foot,
I would appreciate you not bumping into, casually brushing against or crashing loudly upon any material/doorframe/bed edge that could do you harm. I got 9 good toes and wanna keep em.
Love,
Verde

Now then. As my friend B would say, A pimpette is DOWN.... I'm limping around the office and home due to a fractured toe. This shiz aint EVEN cute... and what's less attractive? Limping around with your toes taped together! My OPI Black Onyx pedicure has tape residue on it... and that is not Verde's style.

*pause*

Had a little coffee catchup scheduled with Tex and what happened? Fell asleep in my chair... her phone call woke me up an HOUR after our coffee date was supposed to happen. WTF? I blame the meds for the 1 bad toe. Those that know me know I am NEVER late if its under my control. And if its not? I am NEVER rude enough to leave someone hangin.

*pause*

This post was supposed to be about my experience with a nonePC topic... how others shame the race with their behavior. I'll touch on that tomorrow because I have some things I want to discuss.

Style? Do you have it?

There are things that I know about that make me who I am.
I know accounting, yes, and its my career. I love it... it has its peaks and valleys, but I love it.
I know makeup. I can tell you what color looks great on your skin, what colors compliment your eyes, which mascara makes your lashes touch your forehead. Makeup. I love it.
I know money. Money and I have had a love/hate relationship. Sometimes I have money, sometimes I don't. No, I'm not liquid, but I can tell YOU how to be. I can tell you how to save, I can do your taxes, I can tell you the difference in an IRA and a CD. Money. I love it.

My favorite guilty pleasure is fashion... be it shoes, jewelry, clothes.... I love it ALL. I read everything I can about it.... I window shop in person and online. I watch fashion shows on tv and am signed up for every department store and boutique email for specials, sales, openings and coupons. It cracks me up to check my black.berry in the morning and realize I have 367 emails and half of them are fashion and shopping related.
Honestly, I would love to work in the fashion industry... own my own boutique for classic and stylish items for the woman who loves to look fabulous without breaking the bank and/or robbing the cradle.
Yes, I'm THAT friend: the one you WANT to go shopping with because I'm honest. I will tell you if something looks a hot ass mess on you or if that fabric doesn't agree with your body type or if you need some spanx. But I will also tell you when something looks fantastic on you and if you are sizzling hot in it!

I like to talk about style... so it'll come up here in my blog often.
As my friend Tex would say...'that makes me happy.'

Yes, I feel like a hater.

It's funny sometimes how your friends have the same internal thoughts ( read that as struggles ) as you do. I say funny because in theory, of course your friends have the same thoughts as you, that's why you're friends, right? But so much so that you could have written what they wrote? You could have said exactly what they said word for word?

I know of several folks that have weight loss surgery recently. They made the decision to do something about their weight, something they have struggled with for years and years.
They did it and are reaping the bennys.
I decided the last week of December 2009 to take back my health.... and rejoined the gym, started working out, got my diet in order and started taking vitamins and supplements for PMDD. I'm a little envious (read that as HATING/HATER) that I'm working my ass off and have lost 3 pounds..... and WLS folks have lost 380 pounds in 14 seconds. Of course thats my own perception. I want what I want now and I want 'snap your finger' weightloss. Oh yes, I've gone to the gym to sweat. I've eaten grilled meats and veggies and no bread. But its not rewarding me the way I thought it would. Its not rewarding me with thighs that don't rub together, a single chin instead of a double, a disappearing muffin top or the comfortable feeling when someone whips the camera out.
And my hater feelings follow me to the gym as well. I struggle to keep up a 3mph pace on the treadmill or to do the alpine program on the bike for longer than 5 minutes, whereas everyone around me is humming along like its nothing and they could stairmaster to Alaska and back without much effort.
I hate comparing myself to others but I can't make it disappear. It's not counterproductive to me.... in the sense that it'll make me stop doing what I need to do for me..... I would like to think its even inspirational..... but honestly, the hater in me wants to progress to the HATED....

So yes, that's what we will do. We will use it to go from Hater to Hated.

Home from the gym... and other creative scenarios...

Ouch.
My legs hurt. Fitty eleven million folks at the gym this afternoon. Got my treadmill on and got the hell up outta there.

Maybe there might be something to the 'get some exercise and level your emotions' thing because I swear I feel better now than I did earlier today; I was ready to explode.

Good thing those feelings have *almost* subsided.

Day 2 at the gym

Tired.
I think I worked hard. Other folks in this house thinks I was fakin. Caused a BIG blowup.

But lets get back to the subject... this is about me and what I need to do for myself. I know what to do, its just applying that knowledge. I did a little grocery shopping to prepare myself and I'm happy that I have the tools to at least last me til I can do some major farmers market shopping this weekend.

I know that I'm going to be hurting tomorrow because I did weights today. I got home from the gym and was so hungry I would have ate my shoe if I thought it was low.carb.
But I had scrambled eggs instead.

Day one at the gym.

Today was my first day back at the gym.
I can't believe I actually followed the recommendation for Cou.ch.2.5.K. I walked, did higher intensity and then ran for a few seconds. Of course, I was panting, sweating and legs felt like jel.lo. afterwards, but dammit if I'm not proud of myself.

Now, lets talk about those folks who think you always have to do things their way. I hope I don't regret going to the gym with the man I live with who thinks he fuckin knows it all. There is always a 'you did good, BUT....' from him. Never a "You did good PERIOD'. So I'm going to start going at my crazy hours without him, that way I don't have his influence and can be my own cheerleader.

Viva la treadmill!!!!

As the World revolves around my words, so do the days of our lives...

Damn that was cheesy. But its the mood I'm in right now.
I'm so freakin hormonal. And when I'm this hormonal I'm very hard on myself. I had a handful of people tell me how beautiful I looked yesterday and I thought I looked like a bloated hot ass mess. I'm retaining enough water to quench the thirst of a small country. I have 33 pimples on my chin and forehead. I want some coffee, a pepsi, some nachos and some crawfish.... which basically translates to caffeine, sugar, melted cheese and grease. I'm irritated easily, but stuff that would normally blow right over my shoulder.
I think I need a vacation.

On a positive note, I'm feeling really good about meeting my first article deadline for SS Money. I do have a feeling, however, that the Editor might return it to me saying its alllll over the place. *cracks up at myself*

random thought: I need some brown leather boots.
random thought #2: I need to stay off jes.ssica.simp.son.com.

*pause for reflection*

Watching the coverage on the Haiti disaster really makes me count my blessings. The grief that I see is breaking my heart.

Have you subscribed to SKORCH magazine? Why not? Do it.
The owner of this townhouse is REALLY starting to bother me. I'm considering not renewing my lease.