Ouch.

The last few weeks (read that as MONTHS) have been stressful for me. The nature of my profession, Mr. Aries being laid off, my hormone rollercoaster.... it makes for a very STRESSED Green Eyes. I need a vacation. Not a long weekend at home, I need a real vacation that involves leaving my house and not having any responsibility for a few days. Just to do what I want to do.. read, sleep late, order room service, see the beach.


An old friend of mine called me recently to check on me... after all the chitchat, we started exchanging emails...she tells me she has a friend with a timeshare on the beach on the east coast. *happy dance* She invites me to go along *happy dance* I immediately say yes. I wouldn't have to pay for a thing, just get my ass on a plane and all else will be handled. That sounded so good to me my mouth watered. I asked if her friend would be joining us or would it be just us girls..... just us girls and her friend (male) might join us for one night just to say hello. Aiight, cool. So she gives me the 'friend's' email address, I email him, asking questions about the timeshare, where it was exactly, how big, can you see the beach (y'all know I'm anal...I need details!).... he emails me back, tells me everything... he cc's my old buddy.


The next email I get is forwarded to me by mistake by my old friend......she tells me she is leaving her office in a few minutes and will call me.... underneath her information is a direct email to her from timeshare guy that says 'well according to her pictures on face.book. she is kinda on the FAT side'.



*pause*



Now before I even tell you how that stung and the reason it stung is maybe because it's true and all that stuff, I will just say that I read that email close to a thousand times. How would I even respond to that? How do you deal with your friend's friend who thinks you're fat?



*pause*



First, I responded to all, and said NICE, VERY NICE.... then I got mad. Then I told my friend to not even be concerned about me joining her at the timeshare, because frankly my idea of a relaxing vacation does not include some guy I don't even know giving me the side eye because I want to put a tank top on. Honestly, I'll pass on someone who would actually say that's hospitality.

The word FAT bothers me. I know I'm plus sized, LARGE, thick, hell... even overweight. But I have NEVER referred to myself as fat, even if others have thought so. I've seen photos of myself, both good and bad, and thought 'damn, I look puffy in that picture' or 'triple damn, I need to get rid of that shirt' or 'good LORD, they will be returning me to the wild very soon!'.. never once have I said 'I look fat in that picture'.

I'm not in denial about the fat that I have on my body. Not in denial about how MUCH fat there is on my body, especially my ass. I went over and over it in my head, you are fat, you are fat, you are fat, others see you are fat, others say (obviously in writing) that you are fat. Damn.
If it was a false statement, would I be hurt by some man I don't even know judging me? If it wasn't true, why would I give a shit?

These thoughts are running through my mind.....
To be continued....

A quiet weekend...

I was feeling a bit funny on Friday. I knew I didn't have plans for the weekend, but Friday afternoon I felt the 'beginnings' of a migraine headache. It was just a dull sensation that seemed to be ongoing regardless of what I did or didn't do. So by Saturday morning at 1:38am, I felt like I was being hit in the head with a hammer.... the pain was so bad I ended up in the emergency room throwing up and crying my eyes out. *sigh* So much for my easy, quiet weekend. Damn hormones.
At any rate, I've been in bed since I got home from the ER yesterday.... and this is the list of things I've noticed:
1) I pay fitty eleven million dollars for all these damn cable channels and can't find anything to watch on tv.
2) My neighbor's dog gets very lonely when they leave him at home because he whines his ass off.
3) Morphine shots in your hip are not fun and make your colon unhappy.
4) I need new pillows.
5) Jello, applesauce and a banana is not a significant amount of food when you eat it, but when you throw it up, it seems like a 7 course meal.
6) My sister does not understand the meaning of 'I'm asleep can *I* call *YOU* back?'
7) I can't believe there was a movie on Skin.a.max. that was called 'The De.vil. wears Na.da'
8) I'm really cranky when I'm thirsty.

Yes. I rant.

I have alot going on right now. Between work and my girl-part health and the stress of being the breadwinner, I am NOT in the greatest of moods, especially when PMDD starts.
So when the end of the month/quarter rolls around due to my profession, I'm less than 'turn a cartwheel' happy. I'm more like 'glad to be home to a quiet house and some serenity'... which translates to: don't be stopping by if you are not a close personal friend aka I love you enough to donate a kidney if you needed one without calling. Calling and saying you are outside is NOT calling before you come by to check to see if its okay. I just laid into Mr. Aries for just walking downstairs and opening the door to his cousin (the one who decided that the good woman he had was not good enough because she questioned some ho.tramp.doggie.ass.slut. he had as a friend on face.book). No, I don't like him, I don't like men like him, he can stay his ass on the porch for all I care....and right now, hell naw I don't feel like being polite and no, don't even speak to me and I know your ho.ass. didn't just ask me if any of my friends are single and looking! Kiss both my ass cheeks, mofo, because it will be a snowballs chance in hot ass middle of the summer Houston before I even consider introducing you to my worst enemy, much less one of my friends.

*fixes an Amaretto Sour and takes my laptop upstairs*

Better still...

Here is my newest list of ramblings: (the first of a few lists....)

1) I want some comfort food - and by comfort food I mean something with gravy, some lasagna, some macaroni & cheese. All the stuff that could be potentially bad for you and is not in my diet right now. *says a cuss (not curse) word*
2) NO, Ery.kah.Ba.Du. that was NOT.CUTE. I understand you did that for the shock factor and publicity, but not everyone sees your work as 'art'.
3) It's the second week of April and it will be 84 degrees this week. I'm not looking forward to Summer because we are gonna FRY. And this pollen is getting on my nerves.
4) I have a stack of magazines and 2 books I haven't read because I keep forgetting I have them.
5) Mr. Aries is upstairs taking a nap... who naps at 7:30 in the damn evening?
6) PMDD has started already this month. I feel like the last round of it just ended.... maybe this one will be better than the last?
7) I took the rugrats to the movies yesterday. They wore me the hell out.