Saturday, May 29, 2010

Another 7 days before I go back to work...

Now. I'm going to be straight up honest and say I cannot relate to women who want to spend every waking moment with their men. I have been home approximately 7 days and I swear Mr. Aries has me about to catch a damn charge! His bedside manner is... uh... not there. But if I need him to kill a bug, he is totally down for that. Need him to get the oil changed? He's your guy. Need him to rub on your back and peel you a grape and ask how you're feeling and if your tummy needs rubbing? Find another man. Want to talk about your feelings? Aw hell to the naw. He is what he is and I've accepted him for that. I also know I'm not the easiest woman to live with. I have my moments, hormonal and know it all (and yes, dammit, I *do* know it all) that clash with him. And I've found myself wondering if LOVE is enough to overcome any disagreement, any challenge, any rollercoaster ride.
I was so angry at him yesterday for making a seemingly easy task all about him... some male pride bullshit that made absolutely no sense to me... and it still doesn't. What I had to realize is that the way I feel about my nephews, how I love them to my very core, is not how HE feels about my nephews. He wasn't there when they were born. He hasn't been there for the first day of school or the birthday parties or the school field trips that I've been around for.
What I expected of him was to feel what I feel/felt, have his heart heavy for my babies... not to make it about him and what he thinks SOTD (that's spawn of the devil aka my nephew's father) needs to do/not do.


I do not understand men. I thought I did. It always boiled down to 'men are simple, if you aren't naked, fix them a sandwich and pass them the remote control'... and life would be great.
But they aren't really that simple. They are complicated because we make them complicated. We put our emotion into how we think they should act/be and end up with a whole mess of complicated. We expect them to react a certain way because WE would react a certain way, and when they don't, all hell and damnation breaks loose.

I have to learn to let him be him and be okay with that. It's a hard lesson.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Pulled in different directions...

This is my vent:

I find myself being pulled in so many different directions recently. I have been SuperAunt to my nephews since they were born. Since I don't have children of my own, my love and affection and devotion has gone into my nephews. I would do anything for them, give them the shirt off my back, whatever they want/wanted.
When Mr. Aries and I got together a few years ago, I did a fairly decent job of balancing my love life and my babies (what I call my nephews, I also call them Rugrats). There were some times when the rugrats displayed a little bit of jealousy, since AuntieGreenEye's attention was being diverted to someone else. It took a minute for them to warm up to Aries, and I know they now love him and see him as their Uncle. This warms my heart.
Well, my sister is going through a divorce and its getting nasty. Her soon to be Ex is being an ASS and isn't helping with any kind of support for the kids. Before this past weekend, the rugrats has not even seen their .. ahem... sperm donor... in nearly 3 months.
All that to say, my sister and the youngest 2 rugrats have gone out of town for the holiday weekend, and the oldest stayed in town to attend some 'school is over let's par.tay.' event. Well, he is at his father's apartment.... the plan was for me to pick him up. Well, since I'm recovering from surgery, I'm not supposed to be driving.... but Mr. Aries has decided that 'we' would be making things more convenient for 'spawn of the devil' so 'we' WON'T go pick up my nephew.
Mr. Aries' exact words were: why make it convenient for him, make him bring his son to us.
Okay, THAT was not the plan, this has nothing to do with making something convenient for someone else. This has to do with picking up my nephew and bringing him here for the weekend. WTF is this some sort of male pride shit? Why are you trying to make this about YOU and him, rather than being there for the kids?!?!?!

*pause to calm down*

I'll be back after I limp downstairs to my truck to go get my nephew.

Monday, May 17, 2010

How to keep up with it all?

This last 2 weeks has been only what I can describe as 'an insane rollercoaster'.
Surgery for fibroids, then cancelled surgery for fibroids, closing the quarter, then closing the month, feeling like a pin cushion because I've had so much blood drawn, then PMDD, followed by being SuperAunt and in there somewhere, being a mate to Mr. Aries.

I need a vacation so bad, I can TASTE the sea kissed breeze off the pacific ocean.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Stress is a bitch.

And I don't mean in a good way.
I'm stressed. I am overly stressed. So much so that my health is getting worse (read that as hormones fucked up, head hurting constantly, nauseated and just plain BLAH) and it makes me stressed that I'm stressed. WTF is THAT about?!
Okay, yes, I know I need to not stress. That shit is easier said than done. PERIOD.