It's been a wild ride the last couple of months.
Studying for the CPA, passing the first 2 parts of said exam, moving to a new crib, fighting with Mr. Aries, thinking my sister is crazy, missing my nephews, working my ass off as SuperAccountant and top all that off with PMDD!
Damn, where to even begin..... gotta marinate on that.
Oh and I got an i.Phone. so perhaps there is an app for that!
Showing posts with label Mr. Aries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr. Aries. Show all posts
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Nothing to see over here.
I'm here, but I'm not all here.
PMDD, Mr. Aries, moving, work.... it's been so much more than I thought I could handle.
That's all I have to say about that.
PMDD, Mr. Aries, moving, work.... it's been so much more than I thought I could handle.
That's all I have to say about that.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
It's time...
This post is all over the damn place… so here we go…
It’s hard to avoid your reflection. It’s even harder to realize that the reflection you see is not what you thought it would be. I never considered myself FAT… let me tell you why… I always considered myself plus-sized, thick… I come from a line of women that have big boobs, large frames, squared off shoulders… so when I was a double D bra size in 10th grade, it was normal for my family…. In my mind I was always just large… a big difference from being all out FAT. When I think of FAT, I think of the jiggly stuff on a ribeye steak, those folks you see on T.L.C. that can’t get out of bed or function… extreme obesity. It wasn’t until I started seeing the look of JUST love in the eyes of Mr. Aries that I realized I was fat. Have you ever seen the ‘just love’ look? It’s the look you get when you go to hug a man, that used to desire you and now finds you pretty, but not sexy. It’s the ‘I love you so much, more than any other woman I have ever loved, but I’m not attracted to you’ look.
Let’s marinate on that a moment, while I go on with more thoughts.
I had a conversation with Curvy Jones about being shallow. Is there a fine line that we walk when we say we don’t want a fat man? We don’t want a thin man? If you are vocal about the body type of the person you want to be with and find attractive, are you shallow? Am I shallow because I think I’m all that and a bag of chips or is that just vanity? Don’t we all have preferences? Isn’t there something that you want that’s a ‘must have’ rather than a ‘kinda sorta would consider if’? We women are emotional… most of us when asked what we would prefer in a man, we start talking about personality traits… sense of humor, wit, intelligence, empathy. Ask a man? He wants long hair, big lips, big boobs, small waist.
I consider myself attractive. But I also know that my health is starting to weaken over the extra weight I’m carrying. It’s been 5 or so years since I went to the doctor the first time to complain about migraine headaches. My doctor, whom I’ve gone to for 12 years, told me to lose weight, start watching what I eat, eliminate dairy products, go toward more veggies and lean meats. But that’s hard! How does a professional that works 10 hours a day, in a corporate office that loves to cater in lunch for extra-large-portion-eating-men, eat more veggies and lean meat and not eat cheese? WTF. So in my own mind I figured we (read that as I) would just band-aid the problem. After all, cheese can’t be that bad, right? A little fat and some headaches and I got to eat what I wanted all the time? FINE! Right then, began my journey to find the right thing for me, diet wise. This should be simple, everyone knows you shouldn’t eat high fat cheeseburgers and fitty eleven fries with it and wash all that down with a milkshake. Everyone knows you have to exercise sometimes. But what if you really REALLY don’t want to? What do you do then? (that’s rhetorical, by the way)… so let me answer that for you… you make excuses. I have made every fuckin excuse in the book as to why I won’t exercise or eat in a way that can get me lean and sexy… don’t have time…boobs so big no sports bra would hold me…hate the gym…everyone is so thin there and I’m huffing and puffing after walking 1 minute on the treadmill…forgot to go to the grocery store…it’s cheaper to eat out…I have a headache… I have cramps…forgot my gym clothes…lunch was free, even if it was pizza…so what if I have a little (uh, it aint a little) extra weight, I’m cute, I can carry it just fine…. And on and on and on and on.
Now I’m out of excuses… or I’m tired of them, either one. I’ve gotten to the point where I know being overweight is not cute. This is not about BBW love or hating on the big girls. This is about what is comfortable to me, what I can feel good about.
First, I have to take control of my eating. No, I don’t forget to eat (how the hell do folks do that shit?)…but I know I don’t eat well (get in enough veggies, eat square meals, eat more protein). I know I can do it because thus far I’ve lost a pants size (now a size 18 and an XL shirt).
Next is taking control of exercise. I have a gym membership that I pay for to a great gym… and haven’t used it but a handful of times in the last 12 months. I really REALLY don’t like going after work because that’s when the place is the busiest. So I have to decide if I can get over that or go in the morning before work. These 2 things (eating and exercise) sound so simple on paper and yet the anxiety in my head about the pair is complicated.
Getting back to what I said about Mr. Aries… we had a long talk/discussion/fight about the kind of woman I am and the physical woman that he prefers. The facts about me being intelligent, witty, caring, kind and respectful don’t go unappreciated. But the fact that I have a big hanging stomach, fat rolls, start sweating going up one flight of steps and won’t wear shorts or dresses *IS* unappreciated. And honestly, I can’t say I blame him. Those that know Mr. Aries know he is not thin… he is a big, tall, football linebacker, Neanderthal kind of a guy. He wears a 3X shirt and can eat plates of food. And he wants me to be sexy… not only for his own preference, but for confidence in myself. There is a difference is how I am now and how I used to be when I was younger and smaller. I want that back. This is not something I want to do for him, I won't do it for him, this is for ME. This is all about me and my own journey to be happy with my figure, happy to shop for clothes, happy to wear shorts, happy to be outside and social.
I want that back.
It’s hard to avoid your reflection. It’s even harder to realize that the reflection you see is not what you thought it would be. I never considered myself FAT… let me tell you why… I always considered myself plus-sized, thick… I come from a line of women that have big boobs, large frames, squared off shoulders… so when I was a double D bra size in 10th grade, it was normal for my family…. In my mind I was always just large… a big difference from being all out FAT. When I think of FAT, I think of the jiggly stuff on a ribeye steak, those folks you see on T.L.C. that can’t get out of bed or function… extreme obesity. It wasn’t until I started seeing the look of JUST love in the eyes of Mr. Aries that I realized I was fat. Have you ever seen the ‘just love’ look? It’s the look you get when you go to hug a man, that used to desire you and now finds you pretty, but not sexy. It’s the ‘I love you so much, more than any other woman I have ever loved, but I’m not attracted to you’ look.
Let’s marinate on that a moment, while I go on with more thoughts.
I had a conversation with Curvy Jones about being shallow. Is there a fine line that we walk when we say we don’t want a fat man? We don’t want a thin man? If you are vocal about the body type of the person you want to be with and find attractive, are you shallow? Am I shallow because I think I’m all that and a bag of chips or is that just vanity? Don’t we all have preferences? Isn’t there something that you want that’s a ‘must have’ rather than a ‘kinda sorta would consider if’? We women are emotional… most of us when asked what we would prefer in a man, we start talking about personality traits… sense of humor, wit, intelligence, empathy. Ask a man? He wants long hair, big lips, big boobs, small waist.
I consider myself attractive. But I also know that my health is starting to weaken over the extra weight I’m carrying. It’s been 5 or so years since I went to the doctor the first time to complain about migraine headaches. My doctor, whom I’ve gone to for 12 years, told me to lose weight, start watching what I eat, eliminate dairy products, go toward more veggies and lean meats. But that’s hard! How does a professional that works 10 hours a day, in a corporate office that loves to cater in lunch for extra-large-portion-eating-men, eat more veggies and lean meat and not eat cheese? WTF. So in my own mind I figured we (read that as I) would just band-aid the problem. After all, cheese can’t be that bad, right? A little fat and some headaches and I got to eat what I wanted all the time? FINE! Right then, began my journey to find the right thing for me, diet wise. This should be simple, everyone knows you shouldn’t eat high fat cheeseburgers and fitty eleven fries with it and wash all that down with a milkshake. Everyone knows you have to exercise sometimes. But what if you really REALLY don’t want to? What do you do then? (that’s rhetorical, by the way)… so let me answer that for you… you make excuses. I have made every fuckin excuse in the book as to why I won’t exercise or eat in a way that can get me lean and sexy… don’t have time…boobs so big no sports bra would hold me…hate the gym…everyone is so thin there and I’m huffing and puffing after walking 1 minute on the treadmill…forgot to go to the grocery store…it’s cheaper to eat out…I have a headache… I have cramps…forgot my gym clothes…lunch was free, even if it was pizza…so what if I have a little (uh, it aint a little) extra weight, I’m cute, I can carry it just fine…. And on and on and on and on.
Now I’m out of excuses… or I’m tired of them, either one. I’ve gotten to the point where I know being overweight is not cute. This is not about BBW love or hating on the big girls. This is about what is comfortable to me, what I can feel good about.
First, I have to take control of my eating. No, I don’t forget to eat (how the hell do folks do that shit?)…but I know I don’t eat well (get in enough veggies, eat square meals, eat more protein). I know I can do it because thus far I’ve lost a pants size (now a size 18 and an XL shirt).
Next is taking control of exercise. I have a gym membership that I pay for to a great gym… and haven’t used it but a handful of times in the last 12 months. I really REALLY don’t like going after work because that’s when the place is the busiest. So I have to decide if I can get over that or go in the morning before work. These 2 things (eating and exercise) sound so simple on paper and yet the anxiety in my head about the pair is complicated.
Getting back to what I said about Mr. Aries… we had a long talk/discussion/fight about the kind of woman I am and the physical woman that he prefers. The facts about me being intelligent, witty, caring, kind and respectful don’t go unappreciated. But the fact that I have a big hanging stomach, fat rolls, start sweating going up one flight of steps and won’t wear shorts or dresses *IS* unappreciated. And honestly, I can’t say I blame him. Those that know Mr. Aries know he is not thin… he is a big, tall, football linebacker, Neanderthal kind of a guy. He wears a 3X shirt and can eat plates of food. And he wants me to be sexy… not only for his own preference, but for confidence in myself. There is a difference is how I am now and how I used to be when I was younger and smaller. I want that back. This is not something I want to do for him, I won't do it for him, this is for ME. This is all about me and my own journey to be happy with my figure, happy to shop for clothes, happy to wear shorts, happy to be outside and social.
I want that back.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Another 7 days before I go back to work...
Now. I'm going to be straight up honest and say I cannot relate to women who want to spend every waking moment with their men. I have been home approximately 7 days and I swear Mr. Aries has me about to catch a damn charge! His bedside manner is... uh... not there. But if I need him to kill a bug, he is totally down for that. Need him to get the oil changed? He's your guy. Need him to rub on your back and peel you a grape and ask how you're feeling and if your tummy needs rubbing? Find another man. Want to talk about your feelings? Aw hell to the naw. He is what he is and I've accepted him for that. I also know I'm not the easiest woman to live with. I have my moments, hormonal and know it all (and yes, dammit, I *do* know it all) that clash with him. And I've found myself wondering if LOVE is enough to overcome any disagreement, any challenge, any rollercoaster ride.
I was so angry at him yesterday for making a seemingly easy task all about him... some male pride bullshit that made absolutely no sense to me... and it still doesn't. What I had to realize is that the way I feel about my nephews, how I love them to my very core, is not how HE feels about my nephews. He wasn't there when they were born. He hasn't been there for the first day of school or the birthday parties or the school field trips that I've been around for.
What I expected of him was to feel what I feel/felt, have his heart heavy for my babies... not to make it about him and what he thinks SOTD (that's spawn of the devil aka my nephew's father) needs to do/not do.
*pause*
I do not understand men. I thought I did. It always boiled down to 'men are simple, if you aren't naked, fix them a sandwich and pass them the remote control'... and life would be great.
But they aren't really that simple. They are complicated because we make them complicated. We put our emotion into how we think they should act/be and end up with a whole mess of complicated. We expect them to react a certain way because WE would react a certain way, and when they don't, all hell and damnation breaks loose.
I have to learn to let him be him and be okay with that. It's a hard lesson.
I was so angry at him yesterday for making a seemingly easy task all about him... some male pride bullshit that made absolutely no sense to me... and it still doesn't. What I had to realize is that the way I feel about my nephews, how I love them to my very core, is not how HE feels about my nephews. He wasn't there when they were born. He hasn't been there for the first day of school or the birthday parties or the school field trips that I've been around for.
What I expected of him was to feel what I feel/felt, have his heart heavy for my babies... not to make it about him and what he thinks SOTD (that's spawn of the devil aka my nephew's father) needs to do/not do.
*pause*
I do not understand men. I thought I did. It always boiled down to 'men are simple, if you aren't naked, fix them a sandwich and pass them the remote control'... and life would be great.
But they aren't really that simple. They are complicated because we make them complicated. We put our emotion into how we think they should act/be and end up with a whole mess of complicated. We expect them to react a certain way because WE would react a certain way, and when they don't, all hell and damnation breaks loose.
I have to learn to let him be him and be okay with that. It's a hard lesson.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Pulled in different directions...
This is my vent:
I find myself being pulled in so many different directions recently. I have been SuperAunt to my nephews since they were born. Since I don't have children of my own, my love and affection and devotion has gone into my nephews. I would do anything for them, give them the shirt off my back, whatever they want/wanted.
When Mr. Aries and I got together a few years ago, I did a fairly decent job of balancing my love life and my babies (what I call my nephews, I also call them Rugrats). There were some times when the rugrats displayed a little bit of jealousy, since AuntieGreenEye's attention was being diverted to someone else. It took a minute for them to warm up to Aries, and I know they now love him and see him as their Uncle. This warms my heart.
Well, my sister is going through a divorce and its getting nasty. Her soon to be Ex is being an ASS and isn't helping with any kind of support for the kids. Before this past weekend, the rugrats has not even seen their .. ahem... sperm donor... in nearly 3 months.
All that to say, my sister and the youngest 2 rugrats have gone out of town for the holiday weekend, and the oldest stayed in town to attend some 'school is over let's par.tay.' event. Well, he is at his father's apartment.... the plan was for me to pick him up. Well, since I'm recovering from surgery, I'm not supposed to be driving.... but Mr. Aries has decided that 'we' would be making things more convenient for 'spawn of the devil' so 'we' WON'T go pick up my nephew.
EXCUSE ME?
Mr. Aries' exact words were: why make it convenient for him, make him bring his son to us.
Okay, THAT was not the plan, this has nothing to do with making something convenient for someone else. This has to do with picking up my nephew and bringing him here for the weekend. WTF is this some sort of male pride shit? Why are you trying to make this about YOU and him, rather than being there for the kids?!?!?!
*pause to calm down*
I'll be back after I limp downstairs to my truck to go get my nephew.
I find myself being pulled in so many different directions recently. I have been SuperAunt to my nephews since they were born. Since I don't have children of my own, my love and affection and devotion has gone into my nephews. I would do anything for them, give them the shirt off my back, whatever they want/wanted.
When Mr. Aries and I got together a few years ago, I did a fairly decent job of balancing my love life and my babies (what I call my nephews, I also call them Rugrats). There were some times when the rugrats displayed a little bit of jealousy, since AuntieGreenEye's attention was being diverted to someone else. It took a minute for them to warm up to Aries, and I know they now love him and see him as their Uncle. This warms my heart.
Well, my sister is going through a divorce and its getting nasty. Her soon to be Ex is being an ASS and isn't helping with any kind of support for the kids. Before this past weekend, the rugrats has not even seen their .. ahem... sperm donor... in nearly 3 months.
All that to say, my sister and the youngest 2 rugrats have gone out of town for the holiday weekend, and the oldest stayed in town to attend some 'school is over let's par.tay.' event. Well, he is at his father's apartment.... the plan was for me to pick him up. Well, since I'm recovering from surgery, I'm not supposed to be driving.... but Mr. Aries has decided that 'we' would be making things more convenient for 'spawn of the devil' so 'we' WON'T go pick up my nephew.
EXCUSE ME?
Mr. Aries' exact words were: why make it convenient for him, make him bring his son to us.
Okay, THAT was not the plan, this has nothing to do with making something convenient for someone else. This has to do with picking up my nephew and bringing him here for the weekend. WTF is this some sort of male pride shit? Why are you trying to make this about YOU and him, rather than being there for the kids?!?!?!
*pause to calm down*
I'll be back after I limp downstairs to my truck to go get my nephew.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
W.T.H...
So in the end, it really IS true that men are visual.
I get to listen to all of them SAY 'the smart woman, the respectful woman, the accomplished woman' is the one they want to take home to Mom... but in the end, it's the one that has the slutty... oh, my bad... REVEALING pictures on Face.book or the one's that have the ditzy ass laugh at your dumb jokes that really get all the attention. The 'attractive' woman that is tasteful only gets a blink and a pass, but the one who is a bad girl gets the attention.
The reason for my rant? Mr. Aries has a male cousin, an attractive, accomplished, intelligent guy, who is stable... etc... the stuff that women are looking for. He met a really nice, attractive, intelligent, accomplished and stable woman. He likes her, she is tasteful, respectful, he took her to a family gathering or 2, even brought her to Christmas dinner (being a single guy who lost his mom a couple of years back, we invite him to holiday dinner here)... you could tell she was very into him and he was into her.... what's the problem? She saw his face.book page where he was sending some revealing pictures and messages to some chick who had the name... let's just call her Aloe.Vera.... the attraction to THIS woman? She has freaky pictures all open on the networking site for you to see.... and he LIKES that she shows her boobs, her legs and is nude, though covered by a sheet, in one picture. Oh, but this is okay, because its face.book and its not a big deal, right? Of course not! Just because you are licking the computer screen over some aloe ho, its just fine! So his lady friend asked him about it.... and he got MAD and broke it off with her.
*pause*
*reflect*
I am SO irritated. You have something open on your facebook page. She asked you about it. You cop an attitude? Do you think this aloe vera fishnet trick was worth it?
Oh, so the reason I'm venting about it? Because he had the nerve to look for backup from Mr. Aries over here the other day. I sat and stirred. Bit my tongue, bit my lip... until he asked me what I thought.
*pause*
I told him he needed to think with something other than his dick.
Mr. Aries was... shall we say.... not expecting me to say that.
UGH. Some men just make my ass itch. And not in a good way.
I get to listen to all of them SAY 'the smart woman, the respectful woman, the accomplished woman' is the one they want to take home to Mom... but in the end, it's the one that has the slutty... oh, my bad... REVEALING pictures on Face.book or the one's that have the ditzy ass laugh at your dumb jokes that really get all the attention. The 'attractive' woman that is tasteful only gets a blink and a pass, but the one who is a bad girl gets the attention.
The reason for my rant? Mr. Aries has a male cousin, an attractive, accomplished, intelligent guy, who is stable... etc... the stuff that women are looking for. He met a really nice, attractive, intelligent, accomplished and stable woman. He likes her, she is tasteful, respectful, he took her to a family gathering or 2, even brought her to Christmas dinner (being a single guy who lost his mom a couple of years back, we invite him to holiday dinner here)... you could tell she was very into him and he was into her.... what's the problem? She saw his face.book page where he was sending some revealing pictures and messages to some chick who had the name... let's just call her Aloe.Vera.... the attraction to THIS woman? She has freaky pictures all open on the networking site for you to see.... and he LIKES that she shows her boobs, her legs and is nude, though covered by a sheet, in one picture. Oh, but this is okay, because its face.book and its not a big deal, right? Of course not! Just because you are licking the computer screen over some aloe ho, its just fine! So his lady friend asked him about it.... and he got MAD and broke it off with her.
*pause*
*reflect*
I am SO irritated. You have something open on your facebook page. She asked you about it. You cop an attitude? Do you think this aloe vera fishnet trick was worth it?
Oh, so the reason I'm venting about it? Because he had the nerve to look for backup from Mr. Aries over here the other day. I sat and stirred. Bit my tongue, bit my lip... until he asked me what I thought.
*pause*
I told him he needed to think with something other than his dick.
Mr. Aries was... shall we say.... not expecting me to say that.
UGH. Some men just make my ass itch. And not in a good way.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Ask a question and get an honest answer?
So.
I ask Mr. Aries questions because the behavior of men puzzle me sometimes. And sometimes he gives the answer that makes me say 'Hmmmm' and other times he gives me an answer that I want to debate. Sometimes I get the answer that prompts my 'WTF' response.
Today was one of those days. I asked him: why do you think some women are successful in relationships with men and others aren't?
His answer: because women don't know how to move on from average.
Uh... okay. What? Excuse me? What does that mean? The moment something calms down and the honeymoon phase is over, you are supposed to move on?
Him: you know thats not what I mean. When you are in a relationship with someone and instead of them being respectful, they are simply out for self, its time to move on. Some women value the title of girlfriend/woman/wife more than they value themselves.
*pause*
*reflect*
Me: oh.
I guess when you ask a question, you should be prepared for the answer. I was unprepared for THAT answer. You know, because on Snap.ped. its always the man's fault! That's what drives the woman to Snap! (not really, but you understand what I mean)
So he keeps talking: There is also an issue with leading.
Me: Leading?
Him: yes, Leading. Men want to be the 'LEADER' the 'Man' in the relationship, not necessarily having the woman submit to them, but having her let the natural sense of the man/woman relationship take it course, with the man as the protector.
Me: *pause* *reflect*
Hmmm. I wonder how other women feel about that answer?
I ask Mr. Aries questions because the behavior of men puzzle me sometimes. And sometimes he gives the answer that makes me say 'Hmmmm' and other times he gives me an answer that I want to debate. Sometimes I get the answer that prompts my 'WTF' response.
Today was one of those days. I asked him: why do you think some women are successful in relationships with men and others aren't?
His answer: because women don't know how to move on from average.
Uh... okay. What? Excuse me? What does that mean? The moment something calms down and the honeymoon phase is over, you are supposed to move on?
Him: you know thats not what I mean. When you are in a relationship with someone and instead of them being respectful, they are simply out for self, its time to move on. Some women value the title of girlfriend/woman/wife more than they value themselves.
*pause*
*reflect*
Me: oh.
I guess when you ask a question, you should be prepared for the answer. I was unprepared for THAT answer. You know, because on Snap.ped. its always the man's fault! That's what drives the woman to Snap! (not really, but you understand what I mean)
So he keeps talking: There is also an issue with leading.
Me: Leading?
Him: yes, Leading. Men want to be the 'LEADER' the 'Man' in the relationship, not necessarily having the woman submit to them, but having her let the natural sense of the man/woman relationship take it course, with the man as the protector.
Me: *pause* *reflect*
Hmmm. I wonder how other women feel about that answer?
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