Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Yes. My family puts the CRAY in CRAYZEE.

I have 3 nephews that melt my heart. The oldest turned 15 yesterday and since I was in the delivery and was the first to hold him, he has always been my baby. Because I don't have kids of my own, I 'adopted' my sister's. I call them everyday to tell them I love them. I spoil them rotten, they have an open door to my home that no one else has. I never thought my heart could be so heavy with love for kids that weren't 'technically' mine, but when nephew number 2 was born, my heart got bigger... and then number 3 and my heart got bigger once again!

Growing up, my childhood was not the most rosey. As a matter of fact, both my mother and father have ISSUES. I worked hard once I moved out for college to never go back to the city I grew up in and to make sure my life left a positive light on the world at large.
That's why I'm so involved in my nephew's lives. I want them to leave a positive influence and light on the world with their presence.
I've had so many people tell me I would be/make a wonderful mother. And I always say 'thank you' or 'I appreciate that'... I won't lie and say my uterus hasn't been twitching lately. But what I will admit is that having my own child, being a parent, being responsible for another little person's life scares the beheebies out of me. I don't know if I have the patience. I don't know if there will ever be a right time. But really what it boils down to is I don't want to become my Mother. No matter how much you try, or how much therapy or how much help you have in your mate, you will always retain some characteristics of how you were raised and habits you were taught. That scares me. ALOT. I have to work on it everyday.

1 comment:

  1. Great, so I will some day be throwing beef soup cubes at my yet conceived child at the airport. Nice.